I wish...

I could go to school at a slower pace.  Just one class at a time maybe so I have my own life, but I like being a mom and a homemaker for now.  Yes, I want my career... but I want to be the mom that makes me happy more. *sigh*  Just gotta find a balance I guess.

I nicked myself shaving...

I nicked myself shaving,
No blood draining,
And never explaining,
Why my heart is refraining.

If only I had a nickel,
For why people are so fickle.

I wait, I wish, I linger,
I watch the nick on my finger.

As I think of moments passed,
As I wonder if this will las't.

The pain, dull and aching,
Yet my soul never forsaking,
That I am his for the taking.


*sigh* Men.

In the Name of Blog

Book
hmm, I think I'll read Twilight again to see if I actually liked it or if it was a phase.

Song
Pants On the Ground

Frequently worn outfit/item

 G's

Perfume
Vanilla Bean Noel by Bath and Body Works

Makeup
None.

 

Food
Chocolate Ice Cream

Drink
Diet Cherry Pepsi

Guilty pleasure

Chocolate, can't get through the day without it.

Bane of my existence
Men... even though I'm married to one.

Joy
Sunny. Coolest kid I could ever have. So snuggley and sweet.  I can't imagine life without her.

Anticipation

Well, anticipated, as in nervous for my 2 tests next week.

Wish list
Lose 20 lbs

Thought
Argh

Reasons why I have to do this. Losing weight that is.

I need to feel better about my body.  I used to be wayyy more confident than I am today.  My self worth is right down the crapper.  I mean, I know I'm a good person, but I want to be sexy.  To myself.  I want to, for lack of a better term, be more turned on when I look in the mirror.  I feel so repulsed.

And I don't care what anyone thinks besides the Prof (my hubby), but, I know that we're meant to try for a baby again sometime in the summer/fall.  I need to be exercising enough that I can continue to do so into my pregnancy and after.

I want Scarlett to feel good about herself and not have an eating disorder.

I want to get rid of my sleep apnea, and get sick less often.

I feel unclean almost, when I'm this size.

I just can't do this anymore.


TO DO List for Tomorrow: Work out at leas 10 minutes, call the oxygen place for my cpap machine, enjoy LDS General Conference, clean my room, and study for my tests next week.


*edit: Not meant to have a baby and happy with that. hehe. more later.*

I should have been asleep 3 hours ago.. ;-D

Good news.

I think... hehe

The Universe (as some may say, God as I call Him, but for the sake of blog) has given me less and less excuses not to exercise.

Our apartment has rescinded the ban on the Pool/Jacuzzi/ Fitness center for our complex. They own two apartment complexes. Complexi? Anywho, even though I have a student ID and could go to the Field House on campus, I don't cause I don't want to go back to my place of torture. ;-)  Well, a block away and one of the easiest walks to, isn't much of an excuse is it? *drags feet*

I have to do it.  I have to. There are a million and one reasons, Scouts Honor, why I can't fail epically at this anymore.  I'll explain everything later I promise.  I promised to a friend that I'd write every day.

We both need to do something.  We can't stand being the same.  Change only happens when life is too painful to stay the same. We are so there.

10 minutes a day will get me started.  I already do 50 min, 2 times a week, but that isn't enough.  At my healthiest, I was working out 15 hours + a week. Can you believe that? Before I had a baby too.

Alright.  Tomorrow I have hip hop, so I'm good.  But Saturday, in between General Conference, I will go to the Fitness Center or do sit-ups or wii fit. Something.

Tomorrow I will give you reasons.